The prayers are full of deep desire to fulfill her dream of being a published writer and to be a true servant with her gifts and deeply in touch with the heart of God. “The intellectual & artistic delights God gives us are visions & like visions we pay for them; & the thirst for the vision doesn’t necessarily carry with it a thirst for the attendant suffering. Looking back I have suffered, not my share, but enough to call it that but thee’s a terrible balance due. Dear God please send me Your Grace.” And later, “Too weak to pray for suffering, too weak even to get out a prayer for anything except trifles. I don’t want to be doomed to mediocrity in my feeling for Christ.”
She went on to suffer a great deal from the debilitating effects of Lupus which claimed her early at just 39 but she also created a small but amazing body of literature. The stories are shocking because she believed we had grown numb. We may want our faith to be about some cute phrase you put on a mug rather than the hard work of the relationship. “What people don't realize is how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is the cross. ”