‘Zimzum’ comes from the Hebrew tzimtzum which sort of suggests the ‘space between’ or the room needed in order for something to come to life. God pulls back in order for the world to come into being. The Bells use the word playfully to suggest the energy field between a couple, the dynamic give and take, the sacrificial giving of oneself in order for another to flourish and fully be themselves. I like that. They laugh about the marriage ceremony ritual that sees a young couple each take a candle, light a new flame and snuff out the one they are holding. The Bells I think would suggest that a new candle could be lit but the light of the other two should continue to burn bright.
The book would be a great “together” read, a little piece each night before sleep or whatever. They suggest a reframing of our lives together around the question, “What do you need,” transforming the space between through sacrifice. Also there needs to be space, but not too much and not too little and how getting that right is important.
I also really like the part about the need for exclusive space for just the two of you. No one else belongs in that space and you let this other into your life in ways you let no one else in. And when other stuff gets in that space you need to forgive it out, recreating the space you need.
“Great marriages have an ease about them, a back-and-forth nonreactive, nondefensive, open and ongoing flow in which you never stop talking and figuring it out together.” So true and so hard to do. The book was an encouragement to Jenny and I, even after all these years.
When I finished the book I was thinking about the Van Morrison song Have I Told You Lately That I Love You, probably sung better by Rod Stewart. Listen to it and then do something about it. Have I Told You