In a 2013 article in the New York Times entitled The Family Stories that Bind Us Bruce Feiler asks the question, “ What kind of families make for resilient and happy children?” The simple answer that he comes to based on Marshall Duke’s 1990 research is: develop a strong family narrative. The strongest predictor of a emotional health and happiness in children for the long term. The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.”
The stories did not have to be good stories. In fact it seems that even knowing bad family stories was better than no story. The children that knew the ups and downs, successes and failures, triumphs and tragedies and could retell these stories and pass them on, seemed most happy and content. Duke concluded “that children who have the most self-confidence have what he calls a strong “intergenerational self.” They know they belong to something bigger than themselves.”
That makes a lot of sense to me and presents parents and grandparents with a unique challenge. Tell the family stories, all of them and often so that children grow knowing their place in the narrative.