Let’s start with altruism. “Altruism is about doing for others, unselfishly, without expectation of reward or acknowledgement, and maybe even at some cost to oneself.” I must say that I have celebrated that kind of giving. We give to our children sacrificially without expecting that they will be able to pay us back. We give to charities knowing full well that the one who benefits from this gift will not be able to pay me back. We may even like the feeling that they can’t pay back. “Many people hold this kind of self-sacrifice for others as the highest form of generosity and kindness.” There are some indigenous tribes that do not have a word for altruism or self-interest. “The word comes from the Latin root, alter, other. Altruism also is a linear concept: it moves in one direction, from the Have to the Nave Not, a one-way flow of resources. Altruism is the poster child white saviors.” That hurts and is going to take some time to sink in. This might help our understanding.
“The Native (indigenous) worldview shifts the focus from altruism to reciprocity. Reciprocity is based on our fundamental interconnection—there is no Other, no us vs. Them, no Have vs. Have Nots. Reciprocity is the sense that I am going to give to you because I know you would do the same for me. No one is just a giver or a taker; we’re all both at some point in our lives.”
“Robin Wall Klimmerer in Braiding Sweetgrass writes, “Reciprocity is a matter of keeping the gift in motion through self-perpetuating cycles of giving and receiving…. Through reciprocity the gift is replenished. All our flourishing is mutual.”
“As cultural scholar Lewias Hyde describes in his book The Gift, the very essence of a gift, as contrasted with a commodity, is its relational quality. Gifts aren’t actually “free” even when they don’t cost anything. There are always strings attached: a gift is always tied to a relationship…. Reciprocity means we are only a healthy community if we’re taking care of everybody.”
I believe that all of this is deeply tied to White Supremacy. We do not want to be bound to the other. We want there an imbalance. We like the feeling that the gift will never be paid back. Some serious soul searching needs to happen here.