Aeon is a web site that I go to from time to time to find these gems of insight about art, science, literature and life. A few weeks ago I came across this poignant little film about the aging poet David Hall, called Quiet Hours. Hall says about the last few years of his life, “Old age is a ceremony of losses.” How true.
Over the last eight weeks or so we have had a significant change in our life rhythms since Jenny’s mom fell and broke her arm just below her shoulder. Very painful and very problematic in terms of healing and mobility. This wasn’t the first fall, but it was by far the greatest loss. Jenny’s mom’s hands have not been idle, I dare say, for all the 92 some years up till now. Cooking, cleaning, crocheting, canning, sewing, and serving, a long legacy of active hands. The right arm is broken, and the hand has little strength and feeling, while the left is still strong in its hold and grip. So, our visits have been to the hospital and now rehab facility where she is staying until next steps for her life and care are in place.
When we visited her at home, leaving was always bittersweet but it was still her own home and bed, familiar surroundings of photographs, books, music, furniture, and the now sacred objects of a long-lived-life. Leaving her at the hospital is just plain sad and despite the many visits of children, grandchildren and friends she has and enjoys, there is still the leaving at the end of each day, as great as the care may be, in the institution.
David Hall, reflecting on the loss of his partner, poet Jane Kenyon writes, “Now and then, especially at night, solitude loses its soft power and loneliness takes over. I am grateful when solitude returns.” I think the nights and days can be lonely, despite the nearness of nurses and wardmates. There are times when you look at Jenny’s mom, wondering if she is thinking that it would be good if this was all over and other times, when you can see a persistent will to enjoy the best that each day can offer and be grateful for it. Old age is hard and the losses are many but who knows what joys this day will bring.